We live in this crazy, crazy busy world and being a working Mom of two, I have to ‘try’ and keep it together. I’m not perfect, I sometimes can’t keep it together, but I do try! Thank goodness for wine!
My day job allows me to help coach and guide people on their journey to self awareness and resiliency; my work is so rewarding, however there are times when I don’t even practice what I preach and that is okay. I allow myself loose every once in a while because I know that as long as I’m mindful of my actions and I focus on becoming better everyday, I will be better. After all, all we can do in this life is just try. Try to make things easier, lighter, and funnier but challenging and rewarding all at the same time. We all have these stresses or tests in our life that come when we sometimes least expect it and that’s why it’s so important to take care of ourselves and be prepared when these ‘tests’ show up at our front door.
I honestly came to the realization quite a few years ago, that it really takes a village to support ourselves and we need to rely on one another for support, we are humans after all and human’s inherently crave interaction with others so we might as well give into our instincts! Whether it’s work, children, family or our current global environment, we need each other. We also need to take time for ourselves and make sure that we put that oxygen mask on ourselves so we can be there for our family and friends when they need it too. It’s really a give and take.
Taking care of ourselves….ahhh, it’s much more than just taking bubble baths, but they certainly help! Here are a few things that I do to help make my life a bit more sane:
- Friends and Family – Spending time with those I cherish is incredibly important so game night, birthday functions, dinners or having down time with the family is what I love to keep it together. We are naturally social creatures and we cannot thrive alone, we have to rely on our social connections to get through whatever is on our mind. I recently heard that someone didn’t want to burden me with their problems however I find it an honour when someone comes to me to express their concerns or fears. Wouldn’t you? It is a two-way street and we need to invest in these connections. It’s important to stay non-judgmental, kind and loving to all of our connections so they can stay healthy and grow. With that, it’s important to go to the right people and someone very wise taught me that going to the right people will help me move forward and not to ruminate in how I feel (even though it feels good to do this sometimes! ha!)
- Quiet Time – This can be hard in our busy lives but I can always carve out at least 10 minutes a day to find the quiet. When I have extra time, my go-to quiet time is soaking in the tub with a good book and of course, a glass of red!
- Wine – There is nothing better than coming home after a hectic day and sharing a drink with the hubs or with some friends. Just to talk about the day, the activities for the night or the challenges around us. What really is happening though is communication which is so vitally important in our world of technology and hustle. There is something so relaxing to just sit down and enjoy each other’s company over a glass of red so we can celebrate the day or get our struggles off our chest. Also, almost all of my closest friends share the passion of red wine and it truly brings us together. Charcuterie board anyone?!
- Taking a Breath – Anytime anyone says or does something that really gets under my skin, I take a breath. This helps me rationalize what I’m about to say by asking…is this helpful, constructive or this hurtful? I ‘try’ to not be hurtful, but I know there are moments where I am…as I said before, we are human and we make mistakes and that is OKAY, which brings me to my next point:
- Giving Grace – Not only do I try to give people grace, it’s important to give myself grace as well. I make mistakes, I’m not perfect and even everything I wrote in this post isn’t 100% of the time, but I try. However with grace, I feel there is a line and we can only give so much. It’s been my practice to give grace at first and maybe a few more times…but then after that, there are some boundaries I will set to protect my mental well-being. Authenticity is one of my values and I typically try to keep only authentic souls around me…being real and honest is incredibly important to me!
- Side Hustle (paid or not!) – My therapy is in the kitchen or thinking of a project to work on (I have, painted, gardened, crafted and I’m trying to do exercise more, key word here is ‘trying’!). I cannot just sit still; it’s not in my blood. I need to keep going and keep focused especially during stressful times. I remember when I closed my photography business and really didn’t know how to cope with all of the additional time. What do you mean; I can go to bed at 10pm vs. 2am? I really struggled and couldn’t bring myself to get in the kitchen or really do anything, so I ended up seeing a therapist. I just couldn’t cope sitting on the couch doing nothing….you know what she did? She held me accountable to get my butt in the kitchen, make a few small goals and it worked. Best money I ever spent! Ha ha! I often tell people that everyone needs a therapist in life; it really should be assigned at birth!
- Last, but not least and certainly just as important as the others is a fun acronym: QTIP – Quit Taking It Personally! – Now, this might have been the best thing that I have ever learned! EVER! It’s letting go of past wrongs or perceptions that we may have on any situation going on around us or happening to us. Though it’s in many people’s nature to fix things or to try to fix others… it’s important to know that we can only QTIP ourselves…not other people! Even though you know you want to! We might not be able to control what’s happening, but we certainly can control how we react to whatever it is… I’ve also learned something that is inevitable; not everyone is going to like me or perhaps they may think that I’m crazy, stuck up or a perfectionist but guess what? I can choose to let it bother me and cause me stress or I can choose not to! Other people’s perception of me is just that – their perception – so it doesn’t matter to me because they probably don’t really know the real me anyways. I know the truth in my heart so there is probably a reason we aren’t besties. I QTIP it and leave it be. No sense dwelling over it. Their loss! ha ha! Hard to do this sometimes and it can get personal for me but I kindly remind myself that I can’t control anyone’s feeling or actions, so I let it go. I will push my energy to those who appreciate it!
This was A LOT more than I thought I was going to write and quite frankly, if you are still reading this, you deserve a gold star! Life is tough and these are a few things that have helped me and I’m not naive to think that this will work for everyone else because we are all so different and cope differently. Maybe I have inspired you, maybe you have learned something or maybe I just annoyed the heck out of you! Whatever it is, take care of yourself and those around you….take it easy and I’m sending love to you!
Tammy
